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#64822 - 03/26/08 10:04 AM HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution
takinitslo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 18
Well here we go. For those of you who want to actively work from the HFNR handbook, hop on board. I guess we can just share back and forth to begin with and see how comfortable we all are with it. This new post will keep the thread of things. Here is Exercise 1:

1. Think of a situation that you’ve been complaining about. Rate how you feel about
it on a scale of 1– 10, where 1 is “I’m the least satisfied about the situation” and
10 is “I’m the most satisfied.” _______________
(If you rated your situation a “1”, please skip to question 3.)
2. Great, you didn’t score a “1.” Write down what you’re doing (as many things as
you can think of) that cause you to rate your level of satisfaction at the number
you scored and not lower.
3. What would be the first tiny signs that your satisfaction has increased by one
point? Think carefully and write down as many things as you can.
4. In light of what you’ve written above, what are the first small steps you could take
in the next day to increase your satisfaction with this situation?
5. Begin to take some of the actions you’ve listed in number 4. Start to notice
times when you are a little more satisfied, and build on whatever you’re doing
that helps you.

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#64823 - 03/26/08 10:19 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: takinitslo]
takinitslo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 18
1. My situation is wanting to sell my house and leave the area I live in. I have lived here for over 20 years and raised kids. Never liked it; but, it was a good place to work and raise kids. Now it's time to leave and I cannot control how fast this will happen. My score for this is a 5

2. We have repaired, renovated, painted, gotten a realtor and now are in limbo waiting for a buyer. We have researched areas to retire and have actually traveled to the top three. We're still not sure on the pick to move to. Have had lots of lookers on the house. We just have no control over the market or the rate of lookers. And that is frustrating. I feel out of control and driven by events. After typing this, I feel we have done a great deal; but, now it is up to the universe.

3. Keeping the place maintained (clean and tidy so that people can come at the drop of a hat); getting up and working out and getting on with things (feeling good physically and mentally); deciding to be happy regardless. travelling to the areas we are interested in and cementing that interest again; discussion about how much we want to move along--discuss the price and whether we will agree to drop the price (if at all); reassurance to each other that it will sell.

4. All of these steps are doable. I've been putting off many. Most immediate that can be done TODAY: 1) sit down and put the price on the table. 2) get daily workout and start yoga; 3) DECIDE to BE HAPPY!! A less immediate one is: I could make the reservations to go to the first location of choice and GO. And, of course, examine in a day or two if my score is higher than a 5!

Open to feedback.

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#64824 - 03/26/08 07:45 PM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: takinitslo]
msbeth20 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/20/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Indiana
Selling your house is a huge endeavor, one that I don't envy. I have a couple comments concerning your post. The first addresses one of your final comments about putting things off. I am the mother of all procrastinators. Most times the dread of doing something is worse than the task itself. But that usually doesn't keep me from putting things off. I received a quote in my e-mail a couple months ago that I keep with me. I wish I could remember who to give credit to.

"Action will create momentum. And in momentum will create an ability to forge through any adversity."

So when I have a big job I am putting off, I just start with one small part (sometimes a really teeny tiny part). And then I do one more small part. And pretty soon, the ball is rolling... usually. (Some days, you just gotta lay back.)

The other suggestion involves a book I picked up for which Marci was a contributor, The Secret. I have just started this book, and have been impressed. It has challenged a lot of my thinking about asking and receiving. It has to do with asking then really visualizing as if you have already received.

Bottom line...You seem overwhelmed, but it sounds as though you pretty much have your ducks in a row. Hang in there. Some things may be out of your hands and in the hands or the universe. But, is that really such a bad thing?

I'll be sending happy thoughts your way for a quick sale!

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#64825 - 03/26/08 09:06 PM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: msbeth20]
takinitslo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 18
thanks Beth. I appreciate your input. and it is an overwhelming task. I think that one of the points of this whole thing is that we can make the choice to take these kinds of things on with a happy attitude or NOT. It's sometimes hard to see that we have that choice.

Are you going to do this exercise 1?

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#64826 - 03/27/08 08:40 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: takinitslo]
Jeanne Offline
Member

Registered: 08/30/03
Posts: 347
Loc: The Oklahoma Outback
I'm going to do the exercise too, but before I do--I can relate to your challenge with the house. As a military (now retired) wife, we've moved many times. I hesitate to even say how many, it's astronomical. Many of the places where we were sent were not places I would have chosen, YET, there's not a one of them I didn't grow to love, and feel sorry to leave. But the selling the house part--holy moly, that was the tough part, every time.

You should know you are doing the right things. In some parts of the country, the market is kind of tough, but there are always buyers for a house if it looks good and if the price is right. Sometimes you just have to take a big gulp and leave some money on the table.

Some further steps you might try--Feng Shui--I have known several people who sold their homes within days of doing some good FS. LSC has a course in this or you can hire someone to come in and advise you. Another would be to watch some of the real estate shows on HGTV (on cable or satellite) which can be quite educational. Just remember, if a buyer walks into your house and FEELS GOOD (and your own thoughts contribute to that), they will be much more likely to buy it. If they feel the hustle and bustle and irritation a homeowner might be putting out because they don't really want to show it, and are tired of the whole process, they will be more inclined to move on.

I know you're going to sell that house soon--and probably the "where to go next" will fall into place like magic.

Jeanne

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#64827 - 03/27/08 08:58 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: takinitslo]
Jeanne Offline
Member

Registered: 08/30/03
Posts: 347
Loc: The Oklahoma Outback
1. My gripey situation is a health issue: this KNEE pain I'm having since a fall last autumn. I can't take most of the typical anti-inflammatory type drugs because I'm allergic to most of those, and that includes OTC things. I really don't like being in pain, or unable to move the way I want. Still, I'm going to rate this a 5 because...

2. Steps I have been, and am taking (yoga and other knee exercises) to help this condition using natural means have been rewarding, and not only for my knee. Over all, I have more energy than even before I hurt my knee.

3. The first tiny signs of satisfaction: In the past, being able to walk the half mile to the mail box without significant pain. It was gradual, but sure. For now and the future--each new thing I can do without pain but I'm going to add stiffness now, which prevents me from moving freely. Each time I'm more fluid in my movements, I'm going to be tickled pink.

4. The first small steps I can take today--I have found some yoga poses specifically for knee health. I shall add them, one at a time.

5.--To be continued, as I work with these new poses.

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#64828 - 03/27/08 11:39 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: takinitslo]
msbeth20 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/20/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Indiana
Thanks takinitslo for taking the initiative to start this thread. You hit the nail on the head when you said happiness is a choice. I would love to participate in this exercise.

It's nice to hear from you again, Jeanne. I am sorry to hear about your knee. Chronic pain can be so difficult to deal with. Keep up the good work. It sounds as if what you are doing is working. Here's your smile for the day. The kids are no longer at home, so I had to look up GMTA (from your response to me in the welcome thread) to find out what it means.

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#64829 - 03/27/08 11:57 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: msbeth20]
msbeth20 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/20/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Indiana
Now the exercise:

The situation that I am most unsatisfied with is my relationship with my husband. After 30 years and 3 kids, We seemed to be pretty much strangers. He has always been very negative. He can find something to criticize about anything. I had reached a point that every time I heard him drive up, I would think, "Great, Mr Happy is home." The only reason I rated this a 2 instead of 1 is that we don't fight. (I heard enough of that growing up.) In fact, we don't do much of anything.

The biggest impact on this situation came when I got to the chapter on The Pillar of the Heart. On day, when I heard him drive up, I sent him wishes for happiness and health. A different man walked in the door. We had conversation at dinner and even a few laughs. He now will even seek me out to talk or just spend time. Who knew? All this time I thought it was him that needed to change. But it was me that needed changing. At this point, I would rate the situation a 5.

In order to keep improving, I will continue to lead with my heart. I will send out love and good wishes instead of resentment. I am even planting the seeds that this is something he can choose for himself, too.

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#64830 - 03/28/08 12:46 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: msbeth20]
Alex K. Viefhaus Offline
Learning Strategies Admin
Member

Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6278
Loc: Australia
Some tips for working with solutions focus.

At number one after rating yourself ask yourself why did you give yourself a number as high as you did. It doesn't matter if it is a 1 or a 10. It makes it easier to see all the good stuff that is already working.

For a number 1 it might just be; well I know about it and I'm thinking about doing something about it. I know I already have the ability to do x y or y I just need to transfer the skill or I need to learn. It just helps to direct to the solutions focus.

That way when look for signs that something has improved by a point it might be.. being more consistent in an action you already perform.

Remember the Solutions Focus is looking at and building on what is already working. We commonly make the mistake of trying to identify what is wrong. We our attention goes action goes.

Another tip If you have the Abundance For Life course check your manual for the miracle question. It will also help you focus on the solution.

takinitslo, The house will probably sell quickly once you've made the decision where you want to move to.

AlexK

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#64831 - 03/29/08 10:06 AM Re: HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution [Re: Jeanne]
takinitslo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 18
thanks so much for the encouraging words. We are getting several lookers and second lookers. So, all is going according to some bigger plan. As I've gotten older, I'm not so flexible and want things to go faster. But, I also find I have a great deal more fear about getting out there and scouting out a new place.

I figure if I just keep one foot in front of the other, that is the best.

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