It was good speaking with you the other day. Even though we spoke about the issues you have posted here, I thought I would give a brief summary for anyone who might have a similar concern.
As you work with Jeddah’s materials, you will consistently be working with a model of existence in which we recognize that the thoughts we generate are asking awareness to take a certain form. When we experience something it is evidence of what we asked it to be. The more we look at what is created and what is creating what we experience, the more we recognize how perfectly existence mirrors exactly what we are focusing on. Fearful thoughts about money will lead to lack, budget problems or exactly those things that we fear.
You will find incredible empowerment as you continue through the program and start realizing that fear, doubt and perceived separation are all illusions created by lack of trust in the innate abundance and order of the universe. As we become more consciously aware, doubt and illusion dissolve because they are unable to perpetuate or coexist with the expanded states generated by acceptance of these greater, existential truths.
Continue to examine your experiences, thoughts and feelings and determine whether they are expansive. When you use this as a course correction tool, you will gradually shift what is being mirrored to those expansive states that you seek. When this happens there is no room for doubt, fear, struggle, conflict or separation to creep in because there is nowhere for them to land!
All the best to you!