For me focusing on the material or physical world and forgetting my souls growth processes is extremely painful for me. To me I cannot forget my personal growth and focus on material or physical goals.
My material wealth demands that I forget my soul, but that's the whole thing I never want to forget my soul.
There's a balance that's required but even then, I feel the balance is empty of soul growth.
I always did what was needed of me in my youth, then I hit a chemistry change that demanded that I develop myself for fulfillment - I had to be my own best friend.
Now I am trying to expand being my own best friend, to include physical and material goals.
One thing I learnt is that when luxury turns to necessity those are the areas we love ourselves. For instance I think that exercise is not a necessity it's a luxury, but if I loved myself it would become a necessity.
But I feel sick about loving myself so much as to make luxuries necessities.
I am still a very dependent person and I can't see much hope for myself to create an independent life.
I have done work on loving myself more, but I am hitting a negative wall of "Don't love yourself so much" from those around me.
I thought self-love would be a tonic but now I feel guilty about it.
I may be hitting the biggest wall of a paradigm in my life and those around me or I may be guilty of too much self-love or I may be too spiritual, or not humble enough to selfishly chase my own goals. Too good for earthly good. Too self-effacing.
I think that I can only truly deny myself after the stage of self-love. I have denied myself even before I love myself, and I don't think that is the virtuous self-denial. I think that is evil self-effacement.
All though I have mentioned my beliefs I'm not accepting any of it as "The Way". I'm still very curious about "The Way".
I realise there are very spiritual people on this forum that maybe could help me.
[This message has been edited by Grant (edited January 15, 2006).]