Many people try to remind themselves to remember things by using a negative statement. They say something like, “I better not forget this, or it will be a real problem!”
Unfortunately, your brain hears a command to “forget,” not to “remember,” so guess what? You’re apt not to remember.
Research into the language processing of the brain offers us two important conclusions:
- Whenever you want to communicate a negation in a brain-friendly way, emphasize and make it very clear that there is a negation. You do this by raising your voice, pointing, using red colors, and so on. You better NOT forget this!
- Whenever you wish to use a command or suggestion, either to the world or to yourself, learn to express it positively.
Therefore use a positive form: I shall REMEMBER this. I shall construct well now, and this will enable me to re-construct well later.
When I was raising my daughter,
I recalled how my Mom would always say
“Don’t forget your Umbrella”, or “Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”
I also remembered how I felt
and what I thought on those occasions–
I felt like she was telling me
that forgetting was expected of me.
I couldn’t figure out why–
forgetting things had never occurred to me,
until I was told not to.
I developed a habit of “forgetting” things.
I didn’t really forget them–
I just thought I was supposed to demonstrate
that there was a flaw in my memory, for some reason.
I thought that I was supposed to forget.
It was very easy to move into
deliberately “forgetting” things
if I didn’t want to do them. Forgetting became an excuse,
a lie I told repeatedly to honor my contract with my mom,
and with society in general,
and also to serve myself.
I determined that I would NOT place my daughter in a similar situation!
I would say “remember your umbrella;”
“did you remember to brush your teeth;”
“I know you will remember to call me when you get to your friend’s house.”
We avoided so much of
the emotional charges
that came from forgetting!
It is so much easier to remember something, than it is to forget it!
And of course she would forget sometimes,
but it was just simple forgetting,
not an agreement with the world.